Christians Who Struggle Are NORMAL

Hi friends 🙂

These past few weeks after bootcamp have been a bit weird. I have felt so displaced recently and like I just cannot catch a breath. Being with my grandparents was such a sweet yet very difficult time for me. Adjusting back to the United States has not been pleasant. And meeting up with my people has just not been in the cards. 

I have shared my recent heartache with a few people but feel the need to share it here. Not every day is a good day. I can rave about how transforming bootcamp was and talk your ear off about how great my God is and still easily cover up how I am struggling. I feel like most Christians strive to be perfect and to never reveal their difficulties because our God is just so great so how can we possibly struggle? And ya know, this makes me sad because we are all human, we are all weak, and being able to share what God does in our lives, how He loves and comforts us is such a powerful testimony. We have an extra strong and almighty support system in Jesus and His power should be known.

So anyways, here is my struggle. I feel forgotten. It sucks. And I cry. But God has truly used this time to reveal Himself and my absolute and undying need for Him. When people had not reached out or not responded or just not been available when I got back home, I felt so hurt and rejected. I felt like I was not enough, not worthy of their time. When in reality, as my dad put it, “they are just teenagers and it’s summer and they will not understand what you need.” He then reminded me, “Caroline. You have so many new friends at that coffee place. They asked you to church with them. They asked you to come to their house on a random Tuesday night to spend quality time with them. They have made the effort. Go be with them.” 

Thank you Jesus!

I was talking with a close WR friend recently, and we were discussing how we love to see signs from God. They are just a constant reminder that God is over everything. They keep me at peace with my life knowing that He has control over not just me but you reading this blog and the rest of my squad and my family and my friends in Romania and the people all the way across the world that I get the privilege of meeting. And my sign was from my short car ride this morning when the song “On and On” by Housefires played, giving me such a sweet reminder that I am forever in the presence of my Father, my best friend, the one who gives me every breath and loves me through every difficulty.

Where can I run from Your presence?

Where can I flee from You?

Even if I hide on the highest mountain

You are there

And if I clothe myself in shadow

Would I fade away from You?

No, even if I fall to the deepest darkness

Love surrounds me still

God said to me in the car this morning during this song, “GIRL! I am right here with you. I am working in your life and in your community for you. I am giving you people that will understand and comfort you and love you through this difficult time.” Yall, I would never even think about walking into any establishment even looking like I was upset and yet, I walked into this coffee shop, looked these new friends in the face, and broke down. 

So that is my little spiel. I encourage you to share your heartaches with others because, I cannot make this up, I was literally just (happily) interrupted by one of my new friends at the coffee place to talk about what I have written in this blog and it was so nice to be seen and heard and actually related to. And now we are going to bake at her house on Monday sooo. One more time, THANK YOU JESUS! To the King!

All the love,

     Caroline