Bootcamp. Relief, Reset, Renewal.

Hi friends 🙂

This past week I have been off on an adventure in Gainesville, Georgia. My squad and I finally all met up for boot camp and it was crazy and insane and miraculous and mind blowing and bizarre and everything I needed all in one. 

As many of you probably know, I arrived back in the states from Romania on June 6th. From that day on I was filled with hate, anger, depression, and confusion. All I did was wish to be back in Romania, back in a familiar and comfortable place, back with the people and things that I knew by heart. I felt like a big mistake had been made. I felt like I was alone and it tore me apart. You need to know this because God has taken my heart and all of those feelings and turned them around, 180° in only five short days.

This past week I learned a lot. And it may sound a bit out there, but I have never in my life felt God speak to me nor the Holy Spirit move before, like they have in this past week. Two things God has taught me and is continuing to teach me about: Stillness and Comparison/Unity.

Stillness. One thing that our squad mentor, Kate, said this week was that God knows what we need when we need it. All I can say to that is amen! I was in a hard place after moving from Romania and boot camp was a blessing. God taught me this week about stillness and listening for His voice. I had not done listening prayer in a very long time; like a few good months. On our first day at bootcamp we started our devotional with five minutes of stillness. I chose to spend that time in listening prayer; ya know why not see if God had something to say. Spoiler alert, He did. Personally, when God speaks to me, I see words or pictures in my mind and in those five minutes here is what I saw. First, the word “selfishness” then an arrow pointing away from it. Then all of these different words started popping up in my head. Kindness, gracious, loving, courteous, act. God literally said “Hey Caroline, take all that anger and sadness you are feeling, all of those selfish feelings that say pity me / feel bad for me / it is all about me, and turn them into these virtues.” Like how much more clear could He be? 

And so I just kept on asking God for more. More words, guidance, and obedience. Here’s another cool story. There was a moment during worship one night where I was being still and listening to others sing and then I felt this pull towards this girl. And at first I thought “no no, don’t get distracted Caroline.” But this pull and distractedness just would not leave me alone. So I went to her. I lay my hands on her back and shoulder and pray. I remember saying “Lord I do not know this girl or what she needs but ___.” And I just spoke what was on my heart. Now that was the Holy Spirit, straight up. After our session she came to me saying that prayer was exactly what they needed. 

I don’t write this to be prideful in myself but to boast about God and the Holy Spirit! Look at what happens when we are still, wait, actively listen, and walk in obedience! These are just two examples from a full five days. Imagine what God can do in your life in a week, two months, a year.. If we would just be still.

Comparison/Unity. When I was beginning to walk with God I always thought I had to be like *those* church girls to fit in. You know, the ones with pretty notes and highlighters and perfect handwriting that just seemed to have the exact right answer to everything. But God calls us each to be ourselves. This past week at boot camp has taught me about being a part of a whole body. How we each have different quirks and talents and skills that God has given us and is going to use in mighty ways. Our differences are to be celebrated. 1st Corinthians 12:18-20 says “But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.” I found this verse so present when looking at and interacting with my squad. I saw how each of us had different skills: boldness to speak out, a beautiful singing voice, gentleness, bravery (especially when it came to spiders ;). 

All of these things and more are how my squad is going to worship and serve God along our race. It is how we are going to show others the light of Jesus. It is how we are going to be able to reach more of God’s adopted children. You always hear “comparison is the thief of joy” and it’s true. If we are so focused on trying to be as good as someone else on this earth then we are turning our eyes away from God and who He says we are and calls us to be. It halts our growth. I just want to encourage you that whatever skill you possess, it is orchestrated by God, perfectly! He does not make mistakes.

All the love,

     Caroline