Hi friends 🙂
Long time, no blog… oops. It has been quite an exciting few months! Tomorrow marks the beginning of month three on the world race and woah how did that happen! I have so much to share with you all now that I am in Costa Rica and have some down time to write blogs and facetime. Be prepared for some more blogs coming out over the next two weeks detailing training camp in Gainesville, Georgia, Samaritan’s Purse in New Orleans, Louisiana, and my very first day in Jaco, Costa Rica! As for this blog, it’s a good one about finding my self worth and being fully sustained by the Lord! 🙂
My very first day at training camp, God clearly spoke to me and told me to give up and abandon an app that I had found too much of my identity in. At first I said, “No way! I am not going to give this app up! God is literally going to have to do it himself.” I’m sure you can guess how that went. He took that app away from me by the end of the day. And honestly I am so glad He did because I was able to focus and spend the next month asking God questions like who am I? What do you say about me? Where does my worth come from? How do you love me?
It wasn’t until week two or three that I finally got my final answer, or rather definite realization and ending, to all of my questions. I was in worship one night and God kept calling me to get on my face in surrender to Him. I would oblige and then get up after the song ended and He just kept saying to me, “No, stay in surrender,” and so finally I did. That was when God poured out His love for me onto me; just an ounce of the eternal love He has for me. Woah! My body physically could not handle it. I began uncontrollably sobbing, tears streaming down my face, unable to breath, yet trying to remember this moment and engrain it in my brain and body forever.
That feeling of love is something I will never lose. If my human, flesh self could barely handle an ounce of that love that is never ending, how much more love does God actually have for me? And why would I EVER settle for less than that in any of my relationships? Why would I ever allow someone to love me less or treat me less? Why would I ever choose to be loved by something that could never even reach that small amount of love from God? Life = changed… forever.
There is so much more to this story that happened over the course of the first four weeks. Feel free to ask me more about my story. And share your thoughts on how you think God loves you or even what He says about you. Question God. Get (righteously) angry with Him. Let Him into your hurt. Keep pushing past any and every wall Satan puts up in front of you.
All the love,
Caroline
